75+ Funny Instagram Captions When You Need Them

Funny Instagram Captions for Selfies

1. The bags under my eyes are Gucci.
2. Some days I amaze myself. Today is not one of those days.
3. If I don’t post a picture, did it even really happen?
4. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s the filter.
5. I got 99 problems but a bad angle ain’t one.
6. PSA: I did not wake up like this.
7. More issues than Vogue.
8. Felt cute. Will not be deleting later.
9. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
10. I put the “pro” in procrastinate.
11. Even I don’t believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.
12. I’m just a girl standing in front of a camera asking if this is Instagram-worthy?
13. I call this hairstyle “I tried.”
14. Does this selfie make my ego look big?
15. I know that looks aren’t everything, but I have them just in case.
16. If I was funny, I’d have a better Instagram caption for this.
17. Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.
18. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert’s opinion.
19. They call it a ‘selfie’ because ‘narcissistic’ is too hard to spell.

General Funny Instagram Captions

1. My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I have to do.
2. Wine + Dinner = Winner
3. I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!
4. You can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.
5. Friday, my second favorite F word.
6. If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ … I’ll turn around.
7. Got a new phone today, my old phone failed the swimming test.
8. Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude?
9. Do I run? Yes, Out of time, patience and money.
10. Reality called, so I hung up.
11. I know the voices in my head aren’t real … but sometimes their ideas are awesome.
    

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by Rosie (@rosielondoner)

12. I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation … twice a year.
13. I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
14. How do I feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
15. Anyone else thing hashtags look like waffles?
16. There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
17. You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.
18. When nothing goes right, go left.
19. Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
20. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
21. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!
22. Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
23. You don’t have to like me. I’m not a Facebook status.
24. I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends will end up there.
25. I don’t need a man … I need a margarita and a tan.
26. Wine is always the answer. What was the question again?
27. Who needs self-awareness when I can make you aware of me instead?
28. Don’t worry, Be-yonce.
29. Only dead fish go with the flow.
    

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by Amy Bell (@amybell)

30. I put my best foot forward, then my worst foot after that, then my best foot again.
31. People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside.
32. If I ever let my head down, it’s just to admire my shoes.
33. The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
34. Before you judge me, try walking a mile in my shoes so you can see how little I care and how good it feels to be a mile away from you.
35. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
36. If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.
37. Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
38. I’m like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
39. Instagram caption currently loading
40. I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
41. Just dropped my new single! It’s me. I’m single.
    

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by Salt and Smoke (@saltandsmokebbq)

42. Another fine day ruined by responsibilities…

Funny Couple Captions for Instagram

1. Thank you, Tinder
2. We go together like hot sauce and everything.
3. Swiped right, now it’s for life.
4. Thanks for being so good at killing spiders.
5. I like you even when I’m hungry.
6. I love you ALMOST as much as tacos.
7. You’re the only person I would share my snacks with.
8. It wasn’t love at first sight but we turned out okay.
9. I love you more than pizza and that’s saying a lot.
10. He’s not perfect, but at least he’s not from my hometown.
11. I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
12. I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.
13. With great love comes great expenses.
14. Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
15. Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.
16. Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think … Damn, he is one lucky man.
17. I used to be innocent until he/she/they came along.

Funny Instagram Captions for Friends

1. Crazy friends are the best friends.
2. You’re the ketchup to my mustard.
3. My best friend has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of me.
4. If no one “likes” this post, I know my bestie will.
5. I hope we’re friends until we die. Then, I hope we stay ghost friends so we can walk through wall and scare people.
6. You’re the Oprah to my Gayle.
7. I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
8. We go together like peanut butter and jelly.
9. If I did not drink, how would my friends know I love them at 2 am?
10. I hope we never get tired of making fun of each other.
11. True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people … together.
12. Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.
13. Friends buy your lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
14. Friends don’t let friends do stupid things … alone.